Becoming CarmaQuanTarot Episode 3: Uninvited Guests and the Sound of Fear

Welcome to Becoming CarmaQuanTarot. My journey didn’t start the way you might think; it started with a search for protection instead of fear. Today, I work to bring you messages guided by love, light, and the highest good—not what we want to hear, but what we need to know.,. I’m your host, and I finally realized I wasn’t being followed—I was being supported.”

In the last episode, we talked about “knowing”—those moments where information just arrived, and the way my family labeled that intuition as something “evil.” But as I got older, the experience shifted. It wasn’t just about knowing things anymore; it was about experiencing things. I went from having a “wonderful brain” to having uninvited guests in my room, and the fear I had lived with as a child turned into a lifelong state of hyper-vigilance.

It really began to ramp up in high school. Like a lot of teenagers, my friends and I started experimenting with seances and Ouija boards. We didn’t even have a real one; we used a makeshift board. To this day, those friends swear I was the one moving the glass, but they didn’t understand the reality of what was happening. I wasn’t moving anything; I was the one who ended up with something attached to me.

That was the first time I felt a presence that felt negative or intrusive. I remember being so angry and exhausted because I couldn’t sleep. There was this constant noise—like someone was outside with a stick, rubbing it up and down against the air conditioner unit. It was loud, persistent, and it kept me awake all night long. I would wake my friends up and ask, “Do you not hear that?” but they had no clue what I was talking about. I was completely alone in that noise.

It wasn’t just the sounds, though. The boundaries were gone. This spirit would come to me while I was sleeping and hold my hand. It would try to wake me up, constantly trying to talk to me, and it simply would not leave me alone. Because I had been taught that these things were “evil,” I didn’t see this as a gift or a calling; I saw it as a haunting. I was terrified, and I just wanted to be left in peace.

I’ll never forget the night a friend and I stayed at her Grandma’s house. We were playing with a Ouija board and a spirit came through that absolutely freaked us both out. We were so scared that we knocked over the little TV dinner stand we were using as a table. We scrambled out of the room, and I remember having to jump over the board so I wouldn’t step on it. When we finally got brave enough to go back in, the board was sitting there face up, and the planchette was perfectly centered in the middle of the board, as if it was ready to play again. There was no way it could have landed like that on its own.

I eventually moved away from that apartment and thought I had finally gotten rid of that presence. I remember telling my younger brother, “Whatever you do, do not play with the Ouija board… do not do anything in this house to open it up to the devil”.

But when I came home from college for Christmas break, the very first night I was there, I woke up to someone holding my hand. And then I heard the voice: “I’m back. Did you miss me?”. I was so livid that I went into my brother’s room and started screaming at him and his friend, trying to beat the shit out of him because I knew he had opened that door back up. It took six or seven years for him to finally admit that his friends had done a seance; he hadn’t believed me until he saw how pissed I was.

For years, my only defense was prayer. But my prayer wasn’t about faith or talking to God; it was a mechanism for survival. I spent many nights awake, praying, “Just make it go away… I don’t want to see it”. Prayer taught me how to shut everything down, how to push the experiences away, and how to stay guarded. I built a wall to keep the spirits out, but that wall also kept me trapped in fear for decades.

When you spend your life trying to survive the things you see and hear, you don’t realize that the fear is actually coming from what you’ve lived through, not necessarily what is happening in the moment. I wasn’t just afraid of spirits; I was afraid of the intrusion. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about the “light-bulb moments” where that wall finally started to crack, and I began to realize that I wasn’t being followed—I was being supported.

I’m no longer reacting to what I lived through; I’m listening to what I’m being guided toward. Thank you for joining me on this journey of Becoming CarmaQuanTarot. We’ll continue the story next time. And remember: words are spells, energy is sacred, and intention is the magic.