I Tried to hide from spirit | a medium’s true story | Becoming CarmaQuanTarot EP.8

The Path I Didn’t Plan: How Mediumship and Teaching Found Me

A personal story about fear, protection, tarot, Reiki, and how answering real questions changed the work I was called to do.

“Welcome to Becoming CarmaQuanTarot. My journey didn’t start the way you might think; it started with a search for protection instead of fear. Today, I work to bring you messages guided by love, light, and the highest good—not what we want to hear, but what we need to know. I’m your host, and I finally realized I wasn’t being followed—I was being supported.”

I want to tell you a story that I think is important for people to understand, because it shows who I am, how this work actually happens, and why I’m still scared sometimes even though I’ve known this was my calling my entire life.

I’ve always known I was called to be a medium because of my history with Spirit. I have always known that. But even knowing that, I have still been scared to death at times—because of my past, because I didn’t know how to protect myself, because I didn’t know how to speak to Spirit without fear. All of that is what led up to me finally being able to communicate with Spirit safely after my Reiki course, because that is where I started understanding energy.

And the wild part is that the teaching side of this wasn’t something I planned. It came later, because tarot became a way for me to communicate with my guides and answer questions, and people don’t come to tarot readers asking the same exact things they ask a medium. Tarot questions are life questions. Path questions. Relationship questions. Job questions. Direction questions. And that’s where the teaching part started to weave itself in, because you’re not going to get a new relationship if you’re sitting there every day dwelling on it and begging for it. You don’t get what you’re asking for if you stay locked in that negative, emotional state all the time.

But let me tell you what happened on TikTok, because this story right here is one of the biggest examples of how real this is, and how human I still am while it’s happening.

I was on TikTok live, and a lady asked me if I could pick up a message from her husband for her. I told her I would try at the end of the session, because these take all of my energy.

But Spirit was not hearing that.

As I tried to move forward with other questions, my brain could not even read the questions. I could not focus. I couldn’t move on. Spirit was basically saying, “No. You have to address this.”

I had to ask the lady if I could private message her, and I had to end the live at that point.

So I got off the live. I reached out to the lady, and I told her I would give her a call in a few minutes.

And I’m going to be honest—I was panicking. I had a bit of anxiety like, “Oh my God… what if I don’t get a message she needs to hear? What if I’m not able to connect?” I always have this fear when reading for people who have lost a loved one, because I don’t take that lightly. That is someone’s heart.

So I sat there for a few minutes, and I kept thinking, “I have to call her. I have to call her now.” I ended the live and told her I would call, and I was having anxiety, and I was nervous.

Then I did what I always do when I’m nervous. I tried to find a reason to delay.

I went to the restroom. Like my dumb ass was like, “Let me go pee so I can call her after that.” I was literally looking for any reason to delay, but in my mind I kept thinking, again and again: “I have to call now. I have to call now. I gotta do this now.”

Now—this next part is important, and I need you to hear the order exactly as it happened.

When I walked out of the bathroom, I saw a light on in my entryway. I never use this light. I never turn it on.

So I knew at that moment—I didn’t know what was going to happen, but at least I knew he was here.

That grounded me. Not because it erased the anxiety, but because it gave me something to hold onto: “Okay. He’s here.”

Then it was after that—right before I called—and my anxiety was at a high.

I took a huge deep breath.

And it lifted.

And it didn’t lift slowly like I calmed myself down. It lifted like something left. Like a weight moved out of my body.

Later, I realized that was his passing. That was how he felt right before he left the Earth.

And that part is vital, because apparently he had anxiety very bad and tried to self-medicate himself, so he had actually passed from an overdose. The relief that I felt when the anxiety lifted was his relief—that he no longer had to deal with the anxiety he dealt with every day.

So when I finally called her, I told her about the anxiety I was feeling before calling her, and I told her how I kept thinking, “I have to do it now. I have to do this now.” I told her I was nervous, but something kept saying I had to do it.

And when I mentioned that to her, she said, “Oh… that was exactly the way my husband was. He would say that all the time—‘I have to get this done. I have to do it now.’”

And I remember thinking, “Okay. This is him.”

And here’s another thing I just realized myself—this reading? I didn’t use tarot cards at all. I didn’t pull cards. I didn’t lay anything out. I just realized that. LOL. It was pure connection.

Then, as we kept talking, I said something else to her. I told her, “To be honest, if that light hadn’t come on—and I knew he was actually here—that was what gave me the comfort to give you the call.”

And she said, “Oh my God. I used to follow him around all the time asking him to turn the lights off. Why do you have to have every light in the house on?”

So that, in itself, was a sign from him as well—that I was connecting with him.

And in the end, I told her, “I have a feeling you’re still going to be following him around the house turning lights on or off—mostly turning them off—because I have a feeling that’s going to be his way of letting you know he is still there with you.” And I told her not to be surprised if that becomes one of her confirmations.

Because that is what happened to me.

And I want to add this, because this is how I know when I’m on point.

When I’m connecting with people who have passed, I get goosebumps. The hair stands up on the back of my neck. I can get emotional.

That is how they tell me, “Yes. That’s part of the message. You’re on track.”

So when she said that about the lights—and my whole body got goosebumps—that’s how I knew it was going to be a sign for her. It was like my body said, “Yep. This is real. This is correct. This is part of it.”

And I’m telling you this because I never want to feel like this is all me. There’s no way I could know these things. There’s no way I would have understood all of this. I just say what I’m feeling, what I’m going through, what I’m picking up—and it clicks.

And it’s always amazing to me. It’s always surprising to me. It’s always humbling to me.

INNER CIRCLE (INCLUDED + LAID OUT CLEARLY, AS REQUESTED)

And I want to be clear about how people can work with me, because I cannot keep doing this for free the way I have been.

The Kaleidoscope Inner Circle.docx is the container that makes this sustainable—and it’s also where people can receive support in a grounded, consistent way.

Here’s how it’s laid out:

First Thursday is the KISS Virtual Party (Reading Night)—a group session for psychic clarity, intuitive readings, energy clearing, and messages rooted in the highest intention. This is where the reading-style work happens.

Third Thursday is the Monthly Intuition Workshop / Practice Session—a grounded, interactive workshop focused on strengthening intuition, trusting what you receive, practicing energetic awareness, and applying intuition in real life.

Every Inner Circle member receives one private email reading per month—one focused question, delivered privately by email, with clear, concise guidance.

And VIP level includes both sessions, plus a monthly surprise gift (like a coffee mug, small journal, a 369 manifestation journal, or other intuitive/manifestation-focused items), and VIP also includes a private email reading.

That’s the structure. That’s the container.

Because I’m being called to do this work on a bigger scale—and I cannot do that if I have no way to support myself while doing it.

“I’m no longer reacting to what I lived through; I’m listening to what I’m being guided toward. Thank you for joining me on this journey of Becoming CarmaQuanTarot. We’ll continue the story next time. And remember: words are spells, energy is sacred, and intention is the magic.”