Becoming CarmaQuanTarot: Episode 4

Welcome to Becoming CarmaQuanTarot.

My journey didn’t start the way you might expect.
It didn’t begin with curiosity or excitement — it began with a search for protection instead of fear.

For a long time, fear was the only language I had for my experiences. I spent years praying for the knowing to stop. For the things I sensed, felt, and perceived to just go away. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was being followed, watched, or targeted.

I didn’t understand yet that what I was experiencing wasn’t something dark.

It was something trying to communicate.

As I moved into adulthood, the wall I built to protect myself started to crack — not from the outside in, but from the inside out. And slowly, I began to realize that what I had spent my life running from wasn’t a curse.

It was a conversation.

The Book of Dreams

That realization began quietly when I was in college. I bought a book on dream analysis because I wanted to understand what my subconscious was doing. Friends started asking me about their dreams too, and at first I relied on the book.

But then something changed.

I noticed I didn’t need it anymore.

I would ask a few questions about what was happening in someone’s life, and the answers would just arrive. I could connect their dreams to their waking reality with an ease that surprised me.

At the time, I didn’t think of this as intuitive or psychic. I just thought I had a really good brain — one that could make connections quickly. I didn’t yet understand what those moments really were.

The First Light-Bulbs

I would sit with friends during difficult moments, and everything would just click. The words came easily. The understanding was immediate.

It wasn’t until much later — not until I was 45 years old and took my first Reiki course — that I finally understood those moments weren’t just my thoughts.

Those were my light-bulb moments.

That was when I realized my guides had been helping me all along. I just hadn’t known what to call them yet.

Talking With Heaven

One of the most pivotal confirmations came while I was at my mother’s house reading Talking with Heaven by James Van Praagh. What struck me was that he had once been a Catholic preacher — and yet here he was openly talking about communicating with spirit.

That alone cracked something open for me.

As I sat outside reading, a bird suddenly flew over the house and dove straight toward me. It startled me so badly that I ran inside and told my mom what had just happened. When I went back out and picked up the book again, the very next paragraph explained how spirit sometimes uses animals — birds, butterflies — to get our attention.

I ran back inside and said, “Oh my God, look at this.”

Even though my mom still didn’t want to admit that I knew things, that moment was physical. It was undeniable. And I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Redefining God

Experiences like that forced me to move away from the institutional religion that had taught me fear — the one that told me my family was going to hell.

I stopped believing in rigid rules and started believing in energy.

I do believe in a higher power — whatever name you want to give it. But I believe that at the end of the day, it’s your own energy you answer to. My theology became simple: be a good person, forgive yourself, and live in a way you can face honestly.

That shift allowed me to stop seeing my gifts as something wrong — and start seeing them as something sacred.

The Next Generation

One of the most beautiful parts of this journey is that the fear didn’t get passed down.

My children grew up knowing that butterflies are signs from my mother — their grandmother. Instead of being afraid of signs from the other side, they learned to see them as messages of love.

There are moments when my child will light a candle and say, completely naturally,
“Grandma Connie, are you with me?”
And the flame will flicker — not dramatically, just enough to feel acknowledged.

And then there was the dream.

I dreamt I was walking in front of a shopping center and saw my mom walking toward me, talking on the phone. I tried to get her attention. I wanted to say,
“Mom, look — my child is here. I want you to meet them.”

But she hushed me and kept moving.

I was confused. Hurt. Why was she brushing me off?

Then my child walked toward me — also on the phone. I tried to get their attention too. They hushed me as well.

And that’s when I realized… they weren’t ignoring me.

They were on the phone with each other, heading to their meeting place.

I woke up smiling.

Because I understood — they were already connected.

Closing Reflection

It took me decades to realize that I wasn’t being followed by something dark.

I was being supported by something loving.

Once I stopped asking it to go away and started asking for confirmation, everything changed. Tarot became a language — not to force answers, but to listen.

And I finally stepped into the person I was always meant to be.

The Analogy

This journey is like someone who spent their whole life terrified of the ocean because they were told it was full of monsters. They stayed on the shore, building walls against the tide.

But one day, they stepped into the water — and realized it wasn’t trying to drown them.

It was trying to carry them.

🔥 IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT 🔥

Before I end this episode, I need to be very clear.

If anything I’ve shared today resonates — the knowing, the light-bulb moments, the feeling that you’ve been trying to make sense of something your entire life — you now have the opportunity to explore this safely and intentionally.

Enrollment for my classes is OFFICIALLY OPEN.

These are live classes where we talk about intuition, awareness, energy, and how to understand your experiences without fear, without judgment, and without labels being forced on you.

This is not about becoming something new.
This is about finally understanding what you’ve already been living with.

👉 The first class begins February 5th.
👉 You can sign up right now.
👉 And this is important — prices WILL increase on February 5th.

If you’ve been waiting for clarity, confirmation, or the right moment — this is it.

The door is open now.
But it will not stay at this price.

I’m no longer reacting to what I lived through.
I’m listening to what I’m being guided toward.

Thank you for being here — and for joining me on this journey of Becoming CarmaQuanTarot.

And remember:
Words are spells. Energy is sacred. And intention is the magic.